Episode 12

Original airdate: 11/18/09

There are only five chefs left.  At the end of this episode, there will be four.  And those four will be off to the finale in Napa Valley.

Quickfire: 

The chefs must create their own version of Gavin Kaysen’s winning Bocuse D’Or dish—a protein within a protein within a protein, otherwise known as a ballantine.  It took Kaysen four months to perfect his dish, but the Top Chef chefs get 90 minutes.  (more…)

Episode 11:  “Strip Around the World”

Original airdate: 11/11/09

My apologies for the lateness of this post.  It’s just that… this episode bored me so much I had a hard time sitting down to write about it.  Las Vegas could very well be the least exciting incarnation of Top Chef yet.

Quickfire:

The chefs are in the kitchen of the Venetian Hotel and the phone rings.  It’s Padma, ordering breakfast in bed.  Oooookaayyy.  And it’s not just her—Nigella Lawson is in the bed next to her.  (more…)

Episode 10:  “Meat Natalie”

Original airdate:  10/28/09

Seriously, the whole eliminated-contestant-wearing-t-shirt-in-interviews thing is really annoying me.  Come on, Top Chef, you want your viewers to watch each episode to the end, right?  But if they already know who the eliminated chef is going to be, they’re far less likely to keep watching.  More on that in a bit. (more…)

Episode 9:  “Restaurant Wars”

Original airdate:  10/21/09

Ok, ladies and gents, it’s the Top Chef episode you’ve all been waiting for!  Iiiiiiit’s Restaurant Wars!!!!  Only… it’s not.  We’ll get to that in a minute.

Wonder Twins Paris and Nicole… I mean Michael and Brian Voltaggio… are on edge with each other, and it’s so bad that the other chefs have started to comment on it.  At this late stage in the competition, the sibling rivalry has been upped about a hundred degrees and they’re at each other’s throats about every little thing.  It hits its peak during this week’s elimination challenge…. Restaurant Wars!!  But we’ll get there.  Be patient. (more…)

Episode 8:  “Pigs and Pinot”

Original airdate:  10/14/09

So apparently Eli still lives with his parents.  He’s a professional, 25-year-old man and yet he thinks living with his parents is the bees’ knees because he doesn’t have to pay rent.  Wow.  And then, when he gets into an argument with Robyn (as every chef on this show inevitably does), he yells, “You’re not my mother!” at her.  I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone over the age of eleven say that.  To anyone. (more…)

Episode 7:  “Dinner Party”

Original airdate:  10/7/09

Ash begins this episode by stating that it’s his mission to prove that a guy who didn’t go to culinary school can be just as good as the others.  BUT he’s continuously in the bottom, so I don’t think that mission is going too well.  I really like Ash, though, so I hope he does start to kick ass in the challenges.

Quickfire Challenge: 

The guest judge is someone named Tyler Florence, who apparently has TV shows?  I don’t watch the Food Network, so I’ve never seen this guy before.  I guess he’s famous though.  The Quickfire is sponsored by Cookstr.com, something else I’ve never heard of.  The chefs pull the lever on a slot machine and are given three “keywords,” relating to the mood, texture/taste, and type of cuisine they are to incorporate into their dish.  A lot of them get the word “umami” for the taste/texture category.  Yet another thing I’ve never heard of.  They define umami as being “earthy.”  Um, ok.  Call me crazy, but I try to stay away from food that tastes like dirt. (more…)

Episode 6:  “Penn & Teller”

Original airdate:  9/23/09

So Mattin is gone, but everyone thinks it should have been Robyn that was sent to pack her knives.  Poor Robyn, always getting picked on.

Quickfire Challenge: make two dishes, representing “angel and devil.”  Robyn plays the cancer card and says that her inspiration for this challenge was being diagnosed with cancer and battling between what she wanted to eat and what she should eat.  Smart woman.  Playing the cancer card always works.  (more…)

Episode 5:  “Camping”

Original airdate:  9/16/09

So we start out this week with the Wonder Twins Hilary and Haylie Duff… I mean Brian and Michael Voltaggio saying they, along with Michael Isabella, are the best chefs there.  I don’t know if I agree with Michael I. being part of that group, but I think the evidence is clear that the Wonder Twins are on top.  But what about Jennifer Carroll, Wonder Twins?  She’s doing pretty damn well, too.  (more…)

Episode 4: “Vivre Las Vegas”

Original airdate: 9/9/09

CuteyBaldyMan Tom starts off the show by saying, in reference to this week’s guest judge Daniel Boulud, “Of course, the man next to me needs no introduction…” and then immediately goes on to introduce him.  But… you just said….

Anyway, this week’s Quickfire involves SNAILS!!  Um, ew.  (more…)

Episode 3: Thunderbirds

Original airdate: 9/2/09

Mmmmm potatoes!!!  Best Quickfire ever.  Potatoes are fricking delicious. 

So during said Quickfire, Ron Duprat, the 27-day boat journey dude, explains to us that he is “like Bob Marley with music.”  To him, food is “like, peace and love.”  This guy makes 0% of sense 100% of the time.  He reminds me, oh-so-much of Joelle from the last season of The Biggest Loser.  The shit that came out of that woman’s mouth… priceless.  Anyway, back to Top Chef.  (more…)

Episode 2: “Bachelor/Ette Party”

Original airdate: 8/26/09

We begin, as always, with the Quickfire challenge.  Kevin, a.k.a. Beardy, immediately recognizes the guest judge as Todd English, and states, all haughtily, “I mean, who doesn’t recognize him?”  Um, me, Beardy.  I don’t recognize him.  Not everyone who watches Top Chef is a food snob, ok?  Some of us just enjoy watching weirdos like yourself run around Whole Foods for an hour every week.  (Actually, this brings up a point that I should probably mention to my readers― I don’t know anything about food.  (more…)

Top Chef is in Las Vegas this season— could be fun, but then again last season was filmed in New York City and they really didn’t use or even show much of New York.  We’ll see if they showcase Vegas any better.
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